15 December 2010


before i got ill i had a little phobia of hospitals, seriously i visited my aunt once and she knew what i was like, so kindly she came outside.

after all the appts, mri scans,blood tests,cardiology appts etc ive kind of calmed down a little, well alot really. so this morning getting in the car to visit the reflexologist i thought i would be fine. i know the lady, shes non-judgemental, kind, very funny, yet i panicked not a lot just a little more than my day-to-day usual. i even thought that i should cancel the appt. what really gets to me sometimes is i wont/dont convince myself that its anxiety. i think that something is wrong THIS TIME. i just didnt get that i could lay for an hour in an mri scanner, and yet something pleasurable like having your feet massaged gets me freaking out, (well not quite freaking). i kind of thought well maybe i knew that i had to have the scan, hospital appts, i prepared myself for those, this time i thought all would be well because i have achieved so much over the past year with being ill and all.

as per usual i was fine. i switched my phone on, just in case. she was oh so welcoming, luckily she has a small room in her house now which is perfect, quite, peaceful. the feeling of having my feet done is absolutely gorgeous, seriously beautiful. the reflexologist calls it 'sweet pain' a good description. i came out happy, calm, in a good mood. if i cant book for january due to appts then im sure to for february. bliss.