i havent come to terms with having a fluctuating condition at all. i thought that i had. the therapist that i see, a few weeks ago said she thought i had PTSD. i didnt think so. maybe shes right. i dont know.
my body has a mind of its own. any infection, change of weather, change of position for goodness sake, seems to set off a barrage of senseless warped symptoms.
come saturday morning, i was pleased that i had paced myself through the previous two weeks. i arrived two miles from the tunnel, feeling urgh, i didnt know whether some stress had set things off. i was hot, with chest pains, couldnt breathe properly,(didnt help having a heart rate of 41), i tipped over into panic. what if i couldnt eat when i was away? my body needs regular nourishment now. no leaving it for days and whizzing through holidays on adrenalin. a decision later, me and mum turned about and came home via brighton. i didnt want to go home defeated. terribly upset. we eventually returned. with packed bags.
i felt useless, for the first time i felt that my body wasnt working with me. i couldnt push it too an extreme. no more. i cried. i shouldnt of because i felt ill the next day.
next wednesday a day trip to france is planned. nothing is booked (luckily euro tunnel has extended the trip for a year), we just turn up and go if im ok.
also trying to go away for three or four days somewhere in england in a few weeks time.
thanks for all the comments, very kind of you all, will reply when my head is a bit straighter. xxxx