10 December 2010


my dad says, dont let anyone know your weakness or the things you are afraid of because they will use them against you in the future.

do you honestly think that there are people out there like this? who would intentionally hurt you? im so naive about life . i live in la la land with my mother.

ive been reading some article which states we have a rational side of our brain. we know its unreasonable to feel so anxious, we know its not normal, our rational side has kicked in. yet the piece also carries on saying that we have an emotional side, the side thats harder to persuade, the only way is to practise,what we hate. a bit like cbt.

yet what flashed into my head was, if ive been conditioned not to show many/any emotions because others will store it up in their little brains and use it against me, then is that a reason why im not moving forward? i find expressing myself intolerable at times, im so bunged up with emotion! seriously.

now im wondering is this the reason im so static?


Coffeecup said...

It's a very British thing not to believe we're not supposed to show emotion and remain calm and composed at all times. Probably came from war time? Keeping a 'stiff upper lip' and not letting it tremble.

Em, I don't know if we're afraid to show emotion because of embarrassment, or it's fear of being rejected and unloved because we're upsetting someone, or if we're just sensitive and feel we can't cope with our emotions so try to bury them.

I was brought up in a household where getting upset ended up in a big red hand mark across my backside from my Dad. Emotions were something I got punished for. If my Dad has an emotion he takes a pill to quash it. I think our parents can and do impress us with their own reactions and behaviour. It's hard to overcome what's been taught and try to be more open when you feel upset or unhappy. When I do it's usually quickly followed by panic. Hmm, I wonder why?


Sarah♥ said...

Hi Em sweet lady,

I agree with the beautiful lady above. For me personally, not showing emotion, keeping it all kept in deep inside is because of the fear of rejection, OR is it that 'look' you get when people don't get what you're talking about when you attempt to explain what is wrong with you.

SOME people will use other peoples weakness as a weapon to hurt them (like my stinking ex husband).

I wish i was brave enough to say exactly how i felt ALL the time without feeling like i was going to piss the other person off, or annoy them...or just make them damn uncomfortable.

I've brought my son up to tell me everything. Don't hold it in....just let it all out.

I think you definitely need to express what you're feeling...let it out a little at a time, until you've released it all - i'm sure you'll feel better for it.

Much love
Miss Sarah xxxx

Nechtan said...

Hi Em,

Emotion is the hardest thing. Emotion is the thing that sets our body sensations off and something we can't really control. If we could we could make ourselves happy and anxiety would be kept at bay. I suppose its quite a complicated thing. Emotions comes from our senses and if it has an adverse effect then we cannot override it by creating a different emotion.

I do think there is some wisdom to what you say though. In my own case I know I am emotionally repressed and I am that way because of nurturing. Sometimes it boils over in the strangest ways. I was on youtune showing my daughter who Wonder Women was because she didn't think there were any female super heroes and I almost burst out crying for no reason at all but as always managed to repress it.

There could well be a great friction there. Maybe if emotion was released instead of repressed it would flow and go instead of being pushed back to stay where it was and eventually build up. Maybe it is like a cracking damn and running out of fingers to plug the holes.

I would say you are right. My wife has no problem expressing her emotions in whatever form and has no anxiety. I do and have lots of it. It makes me wonder how we all deal with a panic attack. My wife would have no problem thrashing about the floor like a fish out of water in the middle of a supermarket whereas I would try to keep face and get out as quickly as possible repessing the emotion as much as I could. And maybe that is why home, where we cannot be seen, is what keeps people agoraphobic.

All the best


Seth said...

Very interesting post...I tend to get quite emotional myself. My parents were very unemotional and I think that as an adult I just let everything out for awhile.

Lady of the Ozarks said...

Hi sweetie...here in the States we are very emotional but I think that a good portion of those that smile on the outside are like I've been most of my life, dying on the inside. I think we Americans are probably pretty emotional as a group, but individually we more likely to show a smile or laugh a lot even when you are not feeling that way. I think there is a lot of pressure on everyone to be happy, to look happy, and most importantly, not to put anyone else in a bad mood by not smiling. I just woke up and I'm not sure I'm making much sense. I found you blog this morning and love reading it.

Astrid said...


I am so glad, I found your blog. I deal with EDS, severe depression, binge eating disorder, intrusive thoughts and surely will be an avid reader of your blog from now on!

Best wishes from Germany,

yours Astrid (28 years old)

Em said...

hi cc

i always thought you could plug up any emotion. dont express hurt to anyone, yet i think over time this stores up disaster.

now after 36 years ive realised this.

i can remember, like you with the red hand mark, at times a hand across the mouth to stop us sobbing, similiar in ways. stop feeling the emotion, as quickly as possible, get over it. yet not deal with it.

i suppose our parents were taught ways, which without questioning them carried on through us. unheathly ways. i wish i was stronger. im really sorry we have to deal with all this crap. i wish life was easier. xxx

Em said...

hi sarah

i think i know now who i can talk to about 'stuff' and who not to. and then i only skim the surface. its very rare that you meet someone you can let it all out too.

its so good youve changed your outlook for your son. so healthy, and he will grow up feeling able to express himself, at least you recognised this as a problem and changed you ways. well done.

i think with me it will take time to change, slowly does it. so good to have the net to find out others experiences and opinions, something that i wouldnt do face to face with people. xxx

Em said...

hi nechtan

i think your wife has the right balance, not being afraid to show emotion in public. i think that is the key to our problem. if only we could not be ashamed of ourselves then maybe that would be a step forward, how many times as a kid did i hear ' dont make a show of yourself', of course that would be in public, and of course thats what we are frightened of doing. makes sense now. yet you have that said over and over again somehow it sticks. and what exactly is 'making a show'? we have to hide how we feel. xxxx

Em said...

hi seth

thats the key, what our parents taught us was so normal to our lives, and as children we just dont question things, we think right. welcome to my blog. xxx

Em said...

hi ozarks

i think we all put on the false smile as to show people our happiness. yet happiness is not an everyday thing, theres no balance in that. why do we do it? i would rather someone be honest about how they feel, the good and bad of life. you make perfect sense. welcome to im confused. xxxx

Em said...

hi astrid

welcome to my blog, have you one? would be interesting to compare eds stories. xxx

Astrid said...


I don´t have a blog, because my english is not good enough to express, what I am going through as a spoonie. Then again: Is any language? ;) I do understand english quite well, as I read a lot in english, but my written english is poor. I don´t want to torture my readers. I have thought about doing a vlog on YouTube though. So maybe one day...

When it comes to what your father said, I think suppressing ones emotion will fire back one day. I am very open about my illness. It is easy to say "those who do not accept you the way you are (i.e. with all the negative feelings the condition, that you have), do not deserve you". For a long time, I took these words as a cheesy phrase. But then I figured out, that as corny as it may sound, it is still true.
Of course we have to be patient with the people around us, because they do not know, what it feels like, having a chronic illness, and we cannot expect them to react on our emotional turbulences and depression in a perfect way. It will be a process to equipoise (<- thats a strange word, got it from the dictionary, I hope you know, what I mean...), but not showing our emotions and keeping everything bottled up inside is no solution or alternative, in my opinion.
Greetings from Germany!