so if i say it in a whisper i might just get away with it.
i found a small cottage for rent next week in norfolk. monday morning mum is going to phone up to see if we could rent for three nights next week. is this going to be another cancelled appointment? i dont know, but if i dont try i wont know.
been a bit breathless today, lowered my beta blocker, take 20mg in the morning 20mg at night. now for a potsie thats quite a low dose but i cant tolerate anything higher. so ive been taking 10mg in the morning thinking that would allow my pulse to stay above 37bpm. this morning i felt much the same, chest pain, breathless, lightheaded, took my pulse it was 40bpm. i was hoping it would at least be in the 50s.
ive always like to be in control of things to some extent. right from when i was a child, i liked things going to plan. i can see why now. my health was always in a constant state of flux. never the same. so it would make sense me liking calm, planning. what a disease to have for a control freak.
hope this makes sense, fuddled brain today.