im not feeling too bad. actually feeling better than thursday. and i cant believe that i was taken to hosptial in an ambulance. i know a normal occurence. i just wasnt in my head in the ambulance it was such a weird feeling. like something was going to happen. the only other time id been in one was when i was 15 and had a skiing accident, although i was anxious then, i was no where near the same as now.
they asked me where i wanted to go, a choice of two hospitals. well our usual one, in the past few years has gone down hill. but i didnt want anything new. however they took me to the new one in kent. as i arrived, and had a blast of cold air, from outside the hospital, i was wheeled down the corridors. i was feeling awful, anxiety at a high, ( my worst phobia is hosptial, and a&e is off the scale!) i just thought bugger what do i do. i cant go home, because i was in such a state i knew i had to stay.
luckily the a&e rooms were ok. im assessing them in my awful state. they had concrete walls between the cubicles, and half the curtain was crossed, i felt hidden, and they wheeled the people in on the other side of the room, it was quite quiet too. as i lay there i thought that that was a postive! they dug around in my arms for a vein, as i had drank only half a litre of water in two days it was a difficult job. have a lovely big bruise on the back of my hand. they did find one eventually. in went the drip.
so theres me with my pjs on, unwashed hair, drip in arm, ecg stickers over my chest and legs, red faced from being so hot, just not giving a damn. i never even had any shoes on or socks. and i didnt care. when they suggested i stay the night, i thought what do i do. i knew i was to ill to go home. and thats the funny thing, my first thought always is, go home. and i knew if i went, i woud be coming straight back. by this time my sister and niece had arrived, and dad, with shoes for me!, they looked into finding me a private room, it would cost £440 per night, i said book it. however once you book the room you then have to go through the private system, and cant have any treatment on the nhs for the condition you were brought in with.
mum said just go and see the ward, you dont have to stay. i went there was only four beds in it. the curtain was around me, the window was opened and it was midnight. i thought only till morning. hoping there wasnt going to be any nasties happening in the ward in the night. there was some snoring but again i just thought who cares. my mum, dad and sister offered to stay. mum stayed with me in the end. i felt bad her sitting in the chair but i know i couldnt of coped alone, and i just didnt care how it looked.
i had to be wheeled to the bathroom, had someone with me in the loo. thats so difficult how can you pee with someone standing next to you!
i couldnt sleep and never slept. next morning came, another bag of water with stuff in. chirpy auxiliary nurse came, really pleasant. i was feeling a little better, drank some water. was assessed by the doc, could go home. although he was a little bemused why i wasnt referred by my gp to get the postural hypotension sorted. i was just told to were some flight socks by the gp. hopefully fingers crossed i will get some more information in the next few weeks, and i may start to feel a little better.
i was told that my aunt that lives in warwickshire was going to come down today if i was still in. and my brother was going to come up from devon. its not until something happens that you realise that people do care.
this is how anxiety messes with your head. i was quite pleased with how i dealt with the last two days. how i turned some negatives into postives. yet i think if it would happen again, i was still be in that anxious mess!
sorry about the long post, just good to go it out of my head.