i dont want these posts to be a slump of negativity. but....... this morning kind of balanced itself out.
just before i was ready to go out, i walked downstairs and couldnt breathe. i know i have the postural hypotension, cant walk far without my pulse shooting up to 140 bpm, so i sat down, got the vics vapour rub out (!!!) , sat down, and thought is this how is going to be. i said to my mum i couldnt breathe, i hate revealing myself to anyone, i sat for 15 minutes, and felt a little better.
in the car, ( im not even driving) i begin to panic as we near the docs, i say out loud ' i cant breathe' out come the vic again. feeling a bit defeated. i start crying. i dont want to cry. i dont usually cry. whoever im with usually says 'do you want to go home', this time we pulled over and sat for a bit. panic,m.e, anxiety, lack of food, whatever you are leave me alone. it eased. you see what i usually did, and still do is, not say anything, and go home.
we went three miles to a local high street. i asked my mum to pop into the shop where i used to have reflexology two years ago and see if they have a relaxation tape. luckily there was a parking space on the red route, ( never park on the red route they tow you away!). she popped in the shop and came out with a grin, the lady that served her, recommended a cd, also the lady had had m.e severly for 8 years. mum said too tell me i will get over it, and she gave me her number to talk to her. so by being so down, and wanting an improvement i got some help. when im feeling a bit better i may well ring her.
then into m&s, while i sit in the car, feeling a little better. i read in the independant an article on anxiety, and how its getting worse. i think one in four suffer, more than people who suffer from depression, they even said that anxiety was depressions poor cousin. if i can i will try and add a link.
mum got a tea, and we drove near to a local piece of wood attached to a park. i opened the window, the smell, the sound, was so pleasant, watching a small robin hop about. made me feel a little better for awhile.