21 April 2009

panic attacks.

i dont want these posts to be a slump of negativity. but....... this morning kind of balanced itself out.

just before i was ready to go out, i walked downstairs and couldnt breathe. i know i have the postural hypotension, cant walk far without my pulse shooting up to 140 bpm, so i sat down, got the vics vapour rub out (!!!) , sat down, and thought is this how is going to be. i said to my mum i couldnt breathe, i hate revealing myself to anyone, i sat for 15 minutes, and felt a little better.

in the car, ( im not even driving) i begin to panic as we near the docs, i say out loud ' i cant breathe' out come the vic again. feeling a bit defeated. i start crying. i dont want to cry. i dont usually cry. whoever im with usually says 'do you want to go home', this time we pulled over and sat for a bit. panic,m.e, anxiety, lack of food, whatever you are leave me alone. it eased. you see what i usually did, and still do is, not say anything, and go home.

we went three miles to a local high street. i asked my mum to pop into the shop where i used to have reflexology two years ago and see if they have a relaxation tape. luckily there was a parking space on the red route, ( never park on the red route they tow you away!). she popped in the shop and came out with a grin, the lady that served her, recommended a cd, also the lady had had m.e severly for 8 years. mum said too tell me i will get over it, and she gave me her number to talk to her. so by being so down, and wanting an improvement i got some help. when im feeling a bit better i may well ring her.

then into m&s, while i sit in the car, feeling a little better. i read in the independant an article on anxiety, and how its getting worse. i think one in four suffer, more than people who suffer from depression, they even said that anxiety was depressions poor cousin. if i can i will try and add a link.

mum got a tea, and we drove near to a local piece of wood attached to a park. i opened the window, the smell, the sound, was so pleasant, watching a small robin hop about. made me feel a little better for awhile.



Nechtan said...

Wow, just a few weeks ago I had a most about coincidence, fate, etc. inspired by one that diver had written. What an example of that. First your dad meets someone in Scotland who has ME and says you should talk to someone. Then you go out having a panic attack and instead of doing what you normally do you stay out. And this leads to your mum meeting a woman with ME who says you will get over it and is willing to talk to you. Brilliant. That just falls into place so well.

Please do phone this woman, it sounds like it was meant to be.

I hope you are feeling good. The fact that you did something different and did not allow the panic to overcome you is a big plus point. But the extra reward for doing it could really be something special.

I hope that all works out for you.

All the best


Sarah♥ said...

Well done for not going home!


alice said...

hi nechtan

its not until you think about things that you could see the connection. been having a bit of a difficult two months with panic. its almost like im back 20 years ago when i had it continuously for a year.

and i think maybe saying im panicking out loud helps. although im so ashamed. why?

i have the ladies card on my wall, as a reminder to call. when im a little better, maybe.

hi sarah

its so difficult. as the years have passed times got easier, and i just forgot how bad things can be. ive not attended appointments, which is something i have been able to do for years.
just need to go with this, it will ease. thanks.