i ordered these plimsolls on saturday. im a sucker for cath kidston, loving her retro prints, although these are just plain old plimsolls. i undone them phew, plimsoll smell. i opened my window and left the room. an hour or so later coming up the stairs i could whiff them from a distance. so out in the garden they go. till tonight anyway.
kind of come to a decision.
i didnt realise how awful id treated my body. it has to come to a near standstill before i do anything. thinking back over ten or so years, being such a low weight, i can start to see what damage ive done. i saw a programme late last night, and the prof said that she needed 1,300 cals everyday, even if she wasnt doing anything. well i kind of lived on 600 and i walked miles per day. that lasted three or more years intensely. at the time, i just kept moving. even in the past two years when ive not been able to do as much, 600 a day was the norm on some days. i think my body has finally stopped, and i have had to take note. im going to stop worrying about how things should be. slowly i will make progress. i need to make the foundations first. and that will start with nutrition. you never know my anxiety might ease a little if i feed myself right. and i will practise a little relaxation too. and not get angry with myself if things arent going accordingly. patience. time. thats whats needed.
and thanks to everyone for their helpful comments. sometimes being in this fog, you cant see an obvious solution. thank you.