22 April 2009


i ordered these plimsolls on saturday. im a sucker for cath kidston, loving her retro prints, although these are just plain old plimsolls. i undone them phew, plimsoll smell. i opened my window and left the room. an hour or so later coming up the stairs i could whiff them from a distance. so out in the garden they go. till tonight anyway.

kind of come to a decision.

i didnt realise how awful id treated my body. it has to come to a near standstill before i do anything. thinking back over ten or so years, being such a low weight, i can start to see what damage ive done. i saw a programme late last night, and the prof said that she needed 1,300 cals everyday, even if she wasnt doing anything. well i kind of lived on 600 and i walked miles per day. that lasted three or more years intensely. at the time, i just kept moving. even in the past two years when ive not been able to do as much, 600 a day was the norm on some days. i think my body has finally stopped, and i have had to take note. im going to stop worrying about how things should be. slowly i will make progress. i need to make the foundations first. and that will start with nutrition. you never know my anxiety might ease a little if i feed myself right. and i will practise a little relaxation too. and not get angry with myself if things arent going accordingly. patience. time. thats whats needed.

and thanks to everyone for their helpful comments. sometimes being in this fog, you cant see an obvious solution. thank you.


Sarah♥ said...

Wow...600 is nothing. As a recovering ED sufferer, i've found that now eating a normal dinner, its amazing. I know it sounds quite cliched but honestly, i am eating SO much GOOD food and not putting on hideous amounts of weight. I FIRMLY believe that if you're not feeding your body (and brain) how can it possibly function as it should? You need the nutrients. I was watching that Supersize v superskinny show on channel 4 and i realised that i must have been malnurished after eating nothing but veg for 18 months. Since eating "normally" i've noticed things are improving :)

Start small...and build up!
Good luck..


Coffeecup said...

I lived off nothing but baked apples for about six months in my early twenties, and because my weight dropped to 7 stone, I felt fantastic. Now it bothers me that I am nearly 2 stone more than that, but I just eat pretty much everything, mainly for comfort. Honestly Alice I don't know how anyone can function on 600 cals a day. If I miss food I get the trembles and can guarantee that I will feel more anxious. Please take care of your body and give it what it needs to work. Eating little feels like control but eating more is a greater challenge when you want to stay stick thin. You will have more energy and that's a promise!

Cath Kidston. Love her stuff. Have made a few cake stands using her plates and recently treated myself to that little ditsy print blouse on her website. £32!!! Too much but to me, well worth it.

Take care of yourself sweetie XXX

Melinda said...

Thanks for following my blog :)

Sounds like you've been having a hard time. Hang in there.

Looking forward to seeing more of your sewing.

diver said...

Hi Alice. You OK? Long time no blog. Thinking of you ... and hoping things are going well.

Anonymous said...


Nechtan said...

I hope all is well Alice. If you aren't up to blogging at the moment but do look in please let us know if you are OK.

All the best


alice said...

hi sarah
thats the things, its a balancing act. when you get out of the messed up mind set, and eat properly, your body responds to that in a kind way. thanks for the words of encouragement.

hi stef

why do us women do this to ourselves? im sure many ordinary women across the world have the same stories. my aim is nine stone, and thats still the lower end of normal! and cath kidston, i love her retro feel too!

hi melinda
ive been reading your blog for well over a year now. i love the content. and your projects.

hi diver
im back, just hoping that i will get better over time.

hi nechtan

im back, and hopefully i will get to reading everyones blogs, up to date, something that im looking forward too.