28 June 2009

doing a little.....

the last few days ive been able to sit in the garden, on one the those loungy chairs, its as if im still in bed. just an hour, im so grateful, sitting amongst all the blooming flowers, buzzing bees, ants. seriously pleased. also been able to have a bath, only for ten minutes, but hey its betting then bed-baths.

ive slowly, very slowly improved. and i just hoped i dont slip back. been on-line for 15 minutes too. although the heat today did affect me a little with chest pains.

ive so many plans and idea in my head, when i get well. this has shook me up. ive still far to go. two more appointments at kings college in london to face in the next couple of months, and im a little scared at how i will manage to get there. the transport is fine, ive put the seat down in the car, yet ive only been out once in two months to get to an appointment at the hospital. im just trying not to think about things right now.

hope everyones well. and hope i can be on-line a little longer. i was offered a lap-top by my dad today, i felt a little unable to accept it, i thinki need to do things by myself a little more. so i made some excuse. i know it sounds nuts, but i find accepting things awkward. i may change my mind!


Coffeecup said...

It's fantastic that you're getting outside and enjoying the garden. It's the very best place to find peace. I find it difficult to accept gifts too Alice, and it doesn't sound nuts that you want to be more independant. I know exactly what you mean, as it feels so much better to have achieved a need or a desire by yourself. Often I don't feel worthy of taking the offer and I hope this isn't the case with you?

Hope you can enjoy the good weather that we're forecast this week and relax out there. Take care sweetie X

diver said...

I reckon you ought to take the laptop Alice. Ity sounds like you're in a bit of a social vacuum just now. Blogging and networking can quickly help you out of that void. The internet can be mighty intellectually stimulating too. So in one little laptop you could satisfy a whole bunch of important human needs, which is surely a 'healthful' thing to do. And practical too, given how laid-up you seem to be at the moment.

alice said...

hi stef

perhaps your on to the reason there. dont feel worthy enough. i just think perhaps too that i should reach out for things. i dont know. thanks for the suggestion though. sometimes seeing it from a different perspective makes sense.

hi diver

i can see how being on-line would broaden my perspective too. im just a little confused these past few months as what to do for the best. a real shake up has happen, and its quite disarming.

Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

I'd imagine what you went through still has not fully sunk in and will take some time to do so. It is encouraging though that you are improving. Son't worry about by how much as the important thing is you are moving in the right direction.

I agree with what diver said about staying connected socially. If you have a good circle of people at hand then its not important but if you don't then its not good just having yourself to converse with- more so when the conversation will usually involve health issues. In my own case I think I would really struggle without other people to talk and especially people who know first hand what I am taking about. There is some comfort in that. Of course there are days when we just don't feel like talking but that's OK because people understand. I honestly think that is why on the whole group therapies are helpful. It reminds people they are not alone and allows a release they cannot get with other people.

All the best


alice said...

hi nechtan

i think for years, ive struggled alone, although not alone, but i preferred at times to be alone. so i would of disagreed with you on that one.

however, going through what i have been through, there is no way i would of survived this. i really mean that. i needed people around me, if only a few, they helped me through.