my aunt is visiting this weekend. i knew her well when i was younger. she lived near crystal palace, which seemed a million miles away, in reality it was a 15 minutes car journey.
four years ago she moved to warickshire to be nearer her kids. and now we talk once a week on the phone. shes a techno phobe so web-caming would be a no no. however this weekend i want to teach her how to text and sent photos.
im a little apprehensive, i know that i cant do alot of things. its just that i push myself, to impress on others that im normal. normal is, as normal does. yet this time i cant put myself through this normal procedure. im in bed most of the day. i cant really go out. and the garden is only for an hour. so will i stand proud ( or sit, or lay), and firmly tell her how it is. or will i keep apologizing for my lack of health? new me needs to come forward.
went out again today, its becoming a bit of a habit. managed to sit up a bit more. only four miles there and back. had some sips of caffe nero tea, they serve a pleasant cuppa.
must take some pictures of the woodland area, theres alot of wildlife there. whilst sipping, we got the map out to see how far kings college is (the hospital), theres me thinking its miles away, and roughly its only ten. the problem is thats its amongst london traffic, which is a pain in the ****. the plan is to drive half way there sometime this week, and perhaps next week to drive the whole distance. and perhaps do this a couple of times. i know this technique helps me alot.
also a bit edgy before i went out. so in popped my mantras. 'oh im so excited with going out', 'i cant wait'. and i flooded my thought processes with an overwhelming exciting voice. and i keep saying this over and over, until it deafened out the 'doubters'. its was only a minor edgy moment and it truly seemed to work. i know it may not on the bigger edges.
oh, and going along this route, when i was younger we had a welsh friend, when his child was two or so, and the child fell over he used to clap and cheer, nine times out of ten the child wouldnt cry. so im thinking along those lines. will keep you informed.