21 July 2009


my aunt is visiting this weekend. i knew her well when i was younger. she lived near crystal palace, which seemed a million miles away, in reality it was a 15 minutes car journey.

four years ago she moved to warickshire to be nearer her kids. and now we talk once a week on the phone. shes a techno phobe so web-caming would be a no no. however this weekend i want to teach her how to text and sent photos.

im a little apprehensive, i know that i cant do alot of things. its just that i push myself, to impress on others that im normal. normal is, as normal does. yet this time i cant put myself through this normal procedure. im in bed most of the day. i cant really go out. and the garden is only for an hour. so will i stand proud ( or sit, or lay), and firmly tell her how it is. or will i keep apologizing for my lack of health? new me needs to come forward.

went out again today, its becoming a bit of a habit. managed to sit up a bit more. only four miles there and back. had some sips of caffe nero tea, they serve a pleasant cuppa.
must take some pictures of the woodland area, theres alot of wildlife there. whilst sipping, we got the map out to see how far kings college is (the hospital), theres me thinking its miles away, and roughly its only ten. the problem is thats its amongst london traffic, which is a pain in the ****. the plan is to drive half way there sometime this week, and perhaps next week to drive the whole distance. and perhaps do this a couple of times. i know this technique helps me alot.

also a bit edgy before i went out. so in popped my mantras. 'oh im so excited with going out', 'i cant wait'. and i flooded my thought processes with an overwhelming exciting voice. and i keep saying this over and over, until it deafened out the 'doubters'. its was only a minor edgy moment and it truly seemed to work. i know it may not on the bigger edges.

oh, and going along this route, when i was younger we had a welsh friend, when his child was two or so, and the child fell over he used to clap and cheer, nine times out of ten the child wouldnt cry. so im thinking along those lines. will keep you informed.


Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

The drives sound nice and that can only be a good thing. My own don't involve stopping and if they do then its not for long. Getting time out elsewhere can only help.

Distances are always bigger in our mind. The more you get out on these drives edging to your destination the more confident you will become. I can though sympathise with the traffic. Busy day time traffic adds so much more and I think I have it bad in my little town- I remember London traffic very well.

You are doing great and I think also you are doing it all the right way so my fingers are crossed that it pays off for you.

All the best


alice said...

hi nechtan

was planning to go out this morning but i was just not well enough. but that was a good thing in itself as i always push myself, and with this condition i end up making myself feel worse. so i am making choices.

i think you are doing great driving each day. im just in the passenger seat right now.

my aim is to get to the appointment in august. thats what the little trips are all about. espically as im not well too. and im hoping that being the school holidays there wont be much traffic on the road.
i dont know about you but that seems to be the case around here.