29 July 2009


this morning i woke, extremely tired. had my four chocolate hob-nobs, and a de-caff tea, then decided i might be ok to go out. wasnt sure, but i went. was going to have a cuppa, sit by the woods and come home, thinking that in two weeks i need to go to the hospital so i better get some practise in going out. when we got to the lights, to go to caffe nero, i suggested perhaps we could go half way to the hospital. ok said mum. silly me, my chest started to hurt more and my breathing decreased. the thoughts that went round my head, what if i cant get to the hospital on the day, balanced out with, i need to go otherwise im going to be like this forever. there did come a point where i thought i need to get home now, im 8 miles from home, somehow it eased and we carried on. i knew my mum would turn around a any point, which for me is so helpful, as i then have to convince myself so its like im in control.

through traffic, 1 hour later we arrived outside, and i started to feel a bit better, my chest had eased off and my breathing was near normal. i may be able to be dropped off right outside, and there is parking just across the road. instead of parking in the normal one way system and trugding halfway across the hospital, there is normally always queues there too.
we found a much quicker way home, took 40 minutes, and there was less traffic, quite familiar too. im going to try and do this again, maybe on sunday and next week. i know its alot of faffing around yet if it makes me feel better, i think its worth doing.

i do think though the tablets im on for the pots, possibly will help with anxiety. i take propranonol to lower my heart rate, and seroxat to balance out my autonomic system, both of which are prescribed to anxiety patients. so maybe they are helping my anxiety.

i just hope im ok to go to the appointment. its a tilt table test. im strapped to a table and they do things, which i dont want to know at the moment because otherwise i dont think i will go!


Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

Really well done. What a great sign that you passed through the initial chest pain. I hope that builds your confidence. I think if you can see it going then that will help rather than it remaining at the same level throughout.

Your mum sounds like a real angel. It is great to have someone understanding to help. And if you can cut a third of the time of that journey then that is brilliant.

The google street view I have found is a great tool. If that route, or even part of it, is on there then it might be worth going through it every day. It is amazing how that familiarity helps when you are out there. Obviously no substitute for the real thing but another little confindence booster.

All the best


Ellen said...

Hi Alice,
Great job going all that way, as Nechtan said. Makes sense to practice a route you will have to take in the future to reduce anxiety also...

(I was worried when I saw your title that you were literally IN HOSPITAL, and am so glad you are well.)


alice said...

hi nechtan

thing is like you said in your post, it doesnt seem to build confidence. i wont take this experience next time with me and think ' wow you did it last time, so this time will be easier', i just think that i got through it last time, and this time will probably be the same. isnt it strange that we just cant seem to build on our positive experiences, there must be a reason for this.

my mum, she is wonderful. she works for my dad and the office is at home so shes here most of the time. she seems to know, me inside out. and that allows me to push myself further.

i agree with google street view, the only problem is when i view for awhile my eyes start hurting, but it can be a comfort knowing where you are going.

hi ellen

my head is a bit muddled, and exactly what the title of this blog says confused! i should of added route to hospital as the title. i thought it could look like that too later on.

i find travelling the route, as long as its short, quite helpful, quite a comfort, although you use a lot of petrol in the process!

David said...

These stories become increasingly familiar as I read more blogs, it's as if some of us have been afflicted by a rogue sensitivity and what they call 'real life' is just too much for us. I'd say we should all drop out and have our own community where we have everything we need there and only need to go out anywhere when we feel like it. I think they call us 'hippies' but I see that as a pretty good label actually.

alice said...

hi david
thanks for leaving a message. i quite agree, there must be a number of the population who is sensitive, just as there is a number that is aggressive, and have to live with their anger everyday.

wouldnt a small community be great, where at last we could all feel at ease. thanks