this morning i woke, extremely tired. had my four chocolate hob-nobs, and a de-caff tea, then decided i might be ok to go out. wasnt sure, but i went. was going to have a cuppa, sit by the woods and come home, thinking that in two weeks i need to go to the hospital so i better get some practise in going out. when we got to the lights, to go to caffe nero, i suggested perhaps we could go half way to the hospital. ok said mum. silly me, my chest started to hurt more and my breathing decreased. the thoughts that went round my head, what if i cant get to the hospital on the day, balanced out with, i need to go otherwise im going to be like this forever. there did come a point where i thought i need to get home now, im 8 miles from home, somehow it eased and we carried on. i knew my mum would turn around a any point, which for me is so helpful, as i then have to convince myself so its like im in control.
through traffic, 1 hour later we arrived outside, and i started to feel a bit better, my chest had eased off and my breathing was near normal. i may be able to be dropped off right outside, and there is parking just across the road. instead of parking in the normal one way system and trugding halfway across the hospital, there is normally always queues there too.
we found a much quicker way home, took 40 minutes, and there was less traffic, quite familiar too. im going to try and do this again, maybe on sunday and next week. i know its alot of faffing around yet if it makes me feel better, i think its worth doing.
i do think though the tablets im on for the pots, possibly will help with anxiety. i take propranonol to lower my heart rate, and seroxat to balance out my autonomic system, both of which are prescribed to anxiety patients. so maybe they are helping my anxiety.
i just hope im ok to go to the appointment. its a tilt table test. im strapped to a table and they do things, which i dont want to know at the moment because otherwise i dont think i will go!