20 August 2009

street name


i borrowed this idea from nechtan,(hope you dont mind!). on one of the many trips to kings college, i took my camera. i have heard this technique before, your concentrating on something else i.e taking pictures, so the anxiety lessens. just opposite the hospital is a street, above, whilst sitting in the traffic i noticed the name. enlarge the picture to see the name. sweet isnt it.

the last couple of days ive been a little more busy than usual. and i havent felt as tired. im sure the medication im on is helping. the doc said that i should feel better in two months, well its been three now, and im starting to see a very slow improvement. ok, i cant skip down the street, but i can at least go downstairs a few times a day, and go out in the car. and its strange too, that all the years ive suffered with anxiety and tried to conquer it, i seem to bounce back to where i began. in the end i didnt want to tackle it. with a physical condition, im determined to get over it. i wonder why that is? the only reason i can come up with is, anxiety is an illusion, an imposter, we are fighting against ourselves. we get into a trap that seems impossible to get out of. with a physical condition, we can slowly see improvement, through tablets, gentle exercise, good food, (without a doubt ive been able to speak more openly about my condition, then i ever had about anxiety). i must think a little more on this one, as there may lay an answer.

5 comments:

Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

Great street name and a great photo too!

It is good that you are slowly feeling stronger. I think the difference between the physical problem and the anxiety is that for the former there is a working solution in terms of advice and medication via your test. The anxiety on the other hand no one seems to have a solution for and there is always doubt as to whether we really do have a problem as there is no test to prove it. In this way its good that it is giving you the strength to challenge it. You will get there. And it could have a knock on effect for the anxiety. As your confidence and strength grows you may be able to handle the anxiety better.

All the best

Nechtan

Coffeecup said...

Perhaps when you have a physical condition you can use your brain to think positively and as you say to notice improvements, but with anxiety what your brain thinks IS the problem. It is like fighting with yourself in that respect I agree.

Very pleased to read of your big improvements! Hope you feel stronger and stronger Alice.

LOVE the photo by the way ;-)

alice said...

hi nechtan

thanks for the idea of taking snaps while out. oh i hope as i slowly getting stronger my anxiety will lessen. i think the tablets im on are helping. they put me on a low dose of seroxat, to balance out my auntonmic system, which in turn i think will help with anxiety. ive never taken an anti-d before, so i shall see. also beta blockers to slow my heart down, again they help with anxiety. so maybe another good side effect is helping me. and im sure putting two stone on has helped, made me stronger. thanks.x. hopefully you will like the pictures i take although not as good as yours.


hi steph

yeah what your brain thinks is the problem. good way of putting it. im trying to pick apart, what i read on blogs, what im noticing, to try and find answers. they must be out there somewhere. theres a solution, and hopefully one of us will find it. thanks.x

Ellen said...

Hi Alice,
Interesting that you have both physical and mental illness and can make that comparison (well, not nice for you of course, but instructive). I think it's a huge advantage for tackling physical illness that it is easier to talk about and there is not that 'moral' component, like where people sometimes blame the sufferer for mental health issues. I suspect that makes it easier to deal with the physical? Don't know though - just a theory.

The street name is cute! Cheers

alice said...

hi ellen

ive never spoken so much about my illness. i would always be so, i would use the word secretive about things. i had similiar symptoms to what i have now when i was 13, i blacked out, and i didnt tell anyone. i think its oh so wrong being able to confidently speak about a physical ailment compared to a mental one. theres still the 'pull yourself together routine', which is nonsense. i do think if you could speak openly about mental issues, without being judged you would be half way there. thanks.x