12 August 2009

phew, its over.

yep the appointment went okay. the procedure was a tilt table test. not very pleasant when you cant stand up for long, or sit up straight for that matter.

and thanks to a couple of bloggers, i think it went better than i imagined. nechtan(sorry i still cant link the blog to your name), said in his last post, thoughts=words=judgements=illusion. i just kept remembering that the two days running up to the appointment. thoughts, turn into words, turn into judgements, due to anxiety your judgements are wrong anyway because you always make out that its much more awful then it really is, so that in turn leads to the illusion. a couple of other things, i thought perhaps the appointment maybe cancelled at the last minute so i would of spent days worrying over nothing. i imagined the appointment like a wound on my arm, everytime i thought worrying thoughts it was like i was scratching the wound and making it worse, so i stopped the thought and distracted myself. and steph said your in the best place if you do panic. which i must remember. as my all time phobia is hosptials.

i wasnt as bad as i usually am, i must remember these tips too. until i arrived, right outside the door, i began to clench my teeth, tongue at the top of my mouth. i knew i had to do this, if not i will only not get better, but this condition will last longer.

i asked for somewhere to lay down when i got there, something i would never of done in the past no matter how bad i felt. in this case i had too. then waited 20 minutes. i really was dreading the test. you are laid on a table and your head is tilted lower than the rest of your body. at first they said for 3 minutes which scared me enough. however they had tied some sort of blood pressure cuff to my finger, so i felt the beat of my heart in my finger and counted to sixty, three times, thinking that that was three minutes up, it was a good distraction. i must of been in the position for 15 minutes. and it wasnt that bad i must say. i had to squeeze a metal cylinder, blow into a tube, and stand for 10 minutes, in which case i came over nauseous and wobbled alot. hour and a half later the test was finished and i was ready to go. slightly off balance, and not really with it.

today im extremely tired, in bed with two dogs at my side. a sad story to tell. my sisters terrier(she has three others) has lost control of his back legs. hes nearly fourteen, and shes off to the vets. im hoping and crossing my fingers he will be okay. he was the dog that helped me overcome my phobia of dogs. i was petrified, i actually cried when i was around him as i was so scared. my sister would put him in the garden when i visited her house, then in the kitchen and slowly i became aware that dogs arent threatening. for me to have two in the house let alone on my bed i have come along way, from ten years ago. it was very much like graded exposure, the process took around three years but i did it. heres hoping he will be fine.

5 comments:

Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

Fantastic. What a great thing you have done and so much courage. I've heard from someone else that the tilt test is not a nice ordeal so I'm glad that is over for you. The confidence you are gaining is coming through in your posting. You seem to me to be a stronger person now and hopefully you will grow from that.

You must be exhausted after all that so please ensure you rest yourself. You have done brilliant and I find that inspiring.

All the best

Nechtan

alice said...

hi nechtan

i wish i felt like a stronger person. i really need to think, ' i done this', and i done it well. its this jinxing thing. like if i praise myself then the next appointment wont go so well. where does that mind set come from?

i was really pleased. because the autonomic system is affected the more i worry the worse i feel, really awful. so im trying to train myself not to feel so bad.

i need to work on this.

and yep ive been in bed nearly all day, except for a little time downstairs. i was going out but i think that would of been pushing it. so i restrained myself and stayed in.

thanks for your input and comments, i think they help a great deal.
x

Ellen said...

Good for you Alice. You seem to be applying good coping skills for lowering your anxiety and have come through it very well.

What is a tilt test for?

Ellen

Sarah♥ said...

Hi Alice..
I don't know what the hospital tests were that you had, but you sound like you coped with it extremely well :)

x

alice said...

hi ellen

the docs think i have diagnosed pots, postural orthastatic tachycardia syndrome. the tilt table was to see at what level, or if they can do anything more for me. its not very pleasant, but if i can get through it anyone can. i need to practise the anxiety techniques all the time for them to become normal. something i dont remember to do! x

hi sarah

the tilt test, which i had isnt great but i coped. thank goodness. i only have to see the neurologist now in september to see what the outcome will be. x