7 December 2009

gratitude

pretty little dog picture, that sweet face cheers me up no end.


anyway, what have i been up too. as you know the med bill has had a large chunk taken off of it, i have arranged now to pay the parents back the amount due next year. i have been able to go out shopping for Christmas presents something that i missed last year due to feeling ill, and not being able to walk further than a minute. so croydon has had a visit from me a few times, i have managed to buy some pretty sincere presents, due to the help that has been given to me by family members this year.

a weird thing i have noticed, usually talking anxiety here, standing in queues sometimes not all the times had me a buzzing, nervous, wanting to shoot, wreck. yet the few queues that i had been in sitting in the wheelie chair i was ok. mmmmmm. got me thinking back to when the clinician asked me to take my pulse standing still. well the beats would shoot up, so therefore bring on anxiety. now that im sitting my pulse remains normal. ive solved a problem. use a wheelchair!!!

i have an appointment with my first consultant on wednesday, only a twenty minute ride away however its at 9am, i wonder whether he will have any news, will he have the paperwork from kings college? we shall see.

i really dont know what i would of done without my mum,dad,sister, and not forgetting my sweet adorable niece this year. my 12 year old niece would sit and hold my hand, telling me that everything would be ok. my sister would trapse up to the hospital each day, and we would laugh at the stupidest things, my dad bless him would arrive, then take off on a marathon round the hospital any excuse to leave the room, i dont think he likes illness! and my mum sternly telling me over that things would be ok, that they would find out what was wrong. and the masonic lodge for paying the bill. im grateful. i really am.

and for you guys, the readers, that made me suggestions, picked up my spirits, gave me compliments. thanks for enduring my moan-fests, my bad spellings, ramblings, funny pictures, and thanks for writing your words. xxxxxxxxxxxx

9 comments:

Alexandra Rising said...

What a sweet dog. I love reading your posts. Ive never been to England and it's interesting to hear about it from a 'non-commercial' sense.

I love your profile picture :)

diver said...

Nicely posted Alice. May I say it's been a pleasure getting to know you this year through your blog. You're clearly a lovely lady facing up to an unnerving life situation with courage and grace. Thanks for sharing your unusual journey with us ... one that will hopefully prove a bit easier and better defined for you in the coming year. Digital hugs from downunder :)

Melinda said...

Such wonderful things to be thankful for! And I'm sure your family are very thankful for you too.

Nechtan said...

Hi Alice,

I've really enjoyed reading your blog. It is great to look in on your journey and see how far you have come and how much stronger you are for it, inspiring actually. We all need a lift and we all need hope regardless of our situation so it is uplifting to read about someone coming through a very bad time to find themself in a better place.

Best of luck tomorrow. I do hope answers are forthcoming this time. It is interesting that you have realised the reason for the anxiety standing in queues. At least the wheelchair is giving you a short term fix but it would be good if there was medication or some other way to keep the pulse stable when standing. I'm sure that would open up a whole new world for you.

All the best and I hope the coming year continues to get better for you.

Nechtan

alice said...

hi alex

thats a good point seeing another country through somebody elses eyes other than a magazine or news item. i too love looking at others pictures on blogs. i look pretty grumpy in the pic! im not well. xxx


hi diver

thanks. certainly is an unusual journey one i never expected to go on. with lots of bumps and no ends. im sure at the end i will be more assertive and confident, i hope i will anyway! xxx


hi melinda

i hope my family is grateful for me, we are thrown together on this planet and have to make the best of what we are giving, like the old saying goes, if your given lemons make lemonade, im still searching for what my lemonade actually is. xxx

hi nechtan

it is a weird thing to identify, that mearly sitting down eases the anxiety. i need to find connections like this to come out the other side. strange things come of life, like a jigsaw puzzle trying to find which bit fits where. life is difficult at times. its getting through it that matters. thanks.xxx

Robert said...

Dear Alice - I remember your 1st post! Your blog will be 1 year old in a couple of days I think. I've really enjoyed - in fact I feel privileged - getting to know you during that time.

You've opened up during the last year, both in words and pictures. I'm sure that there is better to come! And I prefer to think of your writing style as unique or eccentric rather than bad spelling...

As always, I'm sending you my best wishes :)

alice said...

hi robert

thanks for the kind words. i like unique instead of freak!! i love looking at others pictures on their blogs too. especially how you can see the rest of the world through others eyes. you were one of the first blogs i read, its interesting finding out at the touch of a button how others lives are going. xxx

Achelois said...

happy blogganiversay.

Many of your anxiety symptoms you are right could well be to do with orthostatic intolerance - blood pooling in the feet starving the brain of oxygen is pretty stressful. Do you wear those sock things that I can't remember the name of.

To Nechtan there are medications but as ever with all meds they don't come without pitfalls and efficacy is often problematical. I am hopeful that you will get a full and proper diagnosis Alice and 2010 will bring forth answers and solutions.

Alice you truly have the most honest face. I also love your profile picture.

I agree I also like your writing style. I often miss putting capital letters in my blog because hitting the capital letter intermitently dislocates my pinky finger. as does even touching the touch sensitive controls on the microwave! But thats me as ever tmi.

Crikey Alice your blog is going global - visitors from down under 'n everything. Looking forward to New Year blogging from you.

Some days when I am struggling somewhat with life, I pop in here to re-read parts of your blog as you have been going through so much and what shines through is your tenacity, your sense of humour, your caring for others and you make me smile.

Well as ever I have commented on and on.... embarrassed now as ever but not going before I say thank you for your blogroll, the sideways introduction to other blogs which I have now in my reader. I don't really understand blog etiquette so hope its ok to comment on blogs found in this way.

Loving the terminology digital hugs.

Alice - don't ever change for you are one great human being.

alice said...

hi achelois

thanks, one year old today!

you must read my mind, ive ordered a pair of thigh high(lovely image) compressions stockings from boots. im going to give them another go. ive tried them three times before but unfortunately they have given me blisters on my feets, so this time i go measured properly.

ouch your pinky finger, thats painful. i dont often rebel, but i like the flow of no captials, no stopping to look for apostrohphes, i feel naughty but hey with what i have i dont care! i remember my typing teacher at school for two years i suffered with her old school type of teaching, everything had to be perfect, dont get me wrong im so glad a can touch type otherwise i would be taking ages, with neck ache to type each post. but when she shouted at the girls for tearing the paper out of the typewriter oooo, i just new i would break the rules soon.

i love comments so please forget etique, oh i know thats spelt wrong, and break the rules. xxxx