felt a bit of panic today. something that i havent experienced in quite a while, to this degree anyway. however adding up afterwards the aggravated circumstances i can see why i entertained my friend today.
i woke at 7.30am to get out the house by 10.00am as rosie had to have her op today. i need a few hours to make my head usable. 9.00am came round my eyes were having trouble staying open, little rosie was at the end of my bed, slowly i rose told her she would be ok (more for my benefit really), she gently ruffled her face hair with her paws, how i love it when she does that. this must of taken some time, or i may have warbled on more to her, because half an hour had passed, i slurped some tea, intended to eat one wholemeal biscuit, couldnt as i dont do things quickly in the morning. teeth brushed, clothes on ( why is it you always find things to do when you have no time to do these things in?) nails clean, must chop nails off later. bag, cardigan, dog fleece, dog wrapped in dog fleece and carried to the car. phew, with a few minutes to spare and a couple of kisses on her head she was in the vets.
whilst rosie was in another land, mum decided she wanted to go to croydon to pick a few bits up. i was feeling none to good, no doubt having no breakfast, a couple of slurps of tea, and meds just taken, along with a hazy warm morning (not complaining about the weather but my p.o.ts likes too) and little rosie in my thoughts, i felt tight chested and urgh. as we approached the car park the thought of being encased in a concreted dome of shops wasnt too appealing, so my chest decided to tighten some more. i held out till around a minute before entering the car park, and decided i couldnt go.
i hate being defeated. anyhow my dad says 'theres always a way round things'. so off to the petrolled fumed purley way. an out of town shopping park. this is how crazy anxiety is. i didnt want to feel trapped in concrete. but i can be surrounded by concrete in the open air!! work that out. we parked, i took my pulse which was 44bpm, had a dose of caffeine, then was pushed into next. bought a pair of sun glasses as my old pair which have lasted four years is being held together with some superglue. mum got her sheets, then over to sainsburys to shop. i sat in the car, knitting. why do i feel self-conscious knitting, i feel like old people should knit. it passed the time.
got a phone call later on in the afternoon from the vet. rosie has had her teeth cleaned, been neutered, and had three fairly large stones removed however the vet wants to keep her in over night due to her wound weeping. she has drunk some water, and stood up. so in the morning we are picking her up around 11am. fingers crossed she will be ok. xxxxx