i think embarrassment plays a big part in my anxiety, or anxiety in general. the thought of the double r, double s happening, turning beetroot would send shivers down my spine. i can recognize this now, im kind of passed this stage. yet it still lurks, if i overthink too much.
im pretty sure this has happened because my parents are rather judgemental, i dont think anymore or any less then the general population. i overhear others talking about the nearest in the vicinty. im trying to pick up on this, why cant we be neutral? where is the need to socially judge? in the old days it would be the bear coming towards us, i can understand the need to shout 'run'. not the need to comment on someones appearance,morals,opinions.
i can remember the dali lami saying something about. we are all individuals if i chose not to eat meat then im not going to influence anyone elses decision. i understand and respect this. i try to work towards this wisdom. although i have to be conscious of this, otherwise i slip.
what is the worse any of us is going to do? i can be less self-conscious, its not even my stand in life, i think i copy others too much.
over talking also affects me. when we were kids, 6pm we would all sit around the circular dining table and TALK. really overtalk each other. no-one really listens. ive noticed this too. you get the odd person that listens, its a skill. otherwise constant chatter, silly smiles, uncomfortable laughs. arghhhhh, we cant we be ourSELVES?