20 December 2010

embarrassment

i think embarrassment plays a big part in my anxiety, or anxiety in general. the thought of the double r, double s happening, turning beetroot would send shivers down my spine. i can recognize this now, im kind of passed this stage. yet it still lurks, if i overthink too much.

im pretty sure this has happened because my parents are rather judgemental, i dont think anymore or any less then the general population. i overhear others talking about the nearest in the vicinty. im trying to pick up on this, why cant we be neutral? where is the need to socially judge? in the old days it would be the bear coming towards us, i can understand the need to shout 'run'. not the need to comment on someones appearance,morals,opinions.

i can remember the dali lami saying something about. we are all individuals if i chose not to eat meat then im not going to influence anyone elses decision. i understand and respect this. i try to work towards this wisdom. although i have to be conscious of this, otherwise i slip.


what is the worse any of us is going to do? i can be less self-conscious, its not even my stand in life, i think i copy others too much.


over talking also affects me. when we were kids, 6pm we would all sit around the circular dining table and TALK. really overtalk each other. no-one really listens. ive noticed this too. you get the odd person that listens, its a skill. otherwise constant chatter, silly smiles, uncomfortable laughs. arghhhhh, we cant we be ourSELVES?

4 comments:

Louis said...

Dear Friend, I have found your blog by accident. I was checking on one of the bloggers i follow and saw your message and checked it out. I am someone who understands what it means to have anxiety and live in a situation that doesnt like you to have anxiety. It has been my goal to offer to help others get through the place where i used to be. It is of course up to you to write to me. I will check on my e-mails
louis124u@gmail.com Louis

Anonymous said...

Louis - soliciting mail anonymously from vulnerable female bloggers like this is totally poor form. At the least you ought enable your Profile or provide the reader with links to your Blog or Website.

Em - advice to you is self-evident. Stranger Danger etc.

Nechtan said...

Hi Em,

I agree about embarassment which is probably related to low self confidence. Also agree about commenting on people. I remember last summer sitting out the front with my inlaws and they commented on everyone walking past to the point I had to go upstairs because I felt so uncomfortable. People are very judgemental and like to tell people how much so.

I thought since my anxiety problems I had become very self concious but when I look back I always have been. I think that is a good basis for anxiety and introspection.

All the best

Nechtan

Em said...

hi nechtan

what is the point in judging people? its not like the old days when it was necessary because the odd club would come down on your head!!! or a lion might eat you. this is purely done for social reasons, what have you or havent you got, what class do you come from. i dont know. x