4 January 2011


thinking today people play a big part in my anxiety. im not blaming, just a fact. or really i should mention its how ive been taught to perceive people. how the parents/family teach us how the world is, our place in it and all that.

we think that others will respond to us how our parents do. good or bad. we are surrounded each day with decisions that need to be made. big or small. how we present our personalities onto the world/outsiders will determine how we are treated, whether we like it or not.

embarrassment plays a big part in anxiety. when im occupied whilst out i dont notice peoples responses why should i? yet when ive nothing to do, when physically i feel drained,tired,on edge anxiety seems to keep me company.

negative inputs from family, resonates throughout the years. the emotional mind takes over, silently drifting into automatic behaviour. whereas the rational mind, forever there shouts loudly at our inability to cope with a normal situation.

emotions, however stuffed down, drunk out, angered, drugged, wont disappear. all the time we dont deal,avoid pulling out the thorn, i think the continued behaviour will continue.

we can all see that an alcoholic is relying drink, to cover up other problems. so why cant i see as an individual see that my reliance on anxiety is similar? all the time i keep holding hands with anxiety i will be the same old dependant, sorry me.


Achelois said...

oh em, i only have a moment I just want to say, don't be so hard on yourself. By the way I hear there is a link with EDS and the anxiety panic gene. Google it! So much of this is so not your fault.

Love yourself, don't berate yourself. you are a trier and a decent honest intelligent woman. please don't beat yourself up over this. you are doing really well. part of accepting oneself means there are stumbling blocks along the way. blips. on my school reports it always said, S£$%^&£ must learn to walk before she can run! patience is hard and anxiety is frustrating. The layers will slowly unravel and I do believe that one day, anxiety will gently be replaced by balance and harmony. Inner battles are the hardest of all. But you are a fighter em and over time you will beat this.

I think justifiable anger is good. Channeling anger can be a good motivator.

Em, you are a vibrant woman who is so much stronger than you think. I wish you could see what I and I am sure other bloggy friends see.

Take care.


Em said...

hi achelois

thanks i will google the link, i think i remember you saying that before. balance and harmony sound very good, ive always been impatience, sometimes when im stitching im less so maybe because i like the items to be just right. all depends what mood im in. if you ever want to e-mail me the addy is on the sidebar.xxx

magic said...

I can relate to what your saying here x

Em said...

hi magic

thanks, i just need to find a way through.x