slumpness. one minute i have a little energy, the next im diving down into the pit. i shouldnt complain, im able to do a little sewing, im able with help to go out, i can read, all these things in short time spans. i crave long time spans.
much of a muchness.
im fed up.
i had my appt with the pyschodynamic therapist. shes ok, really i dont need to pull apart her character as long as she imparts useful information. or should i get along with her? why do i always feel like a child when i meet someone. in my black and white brain i say, 'shes nice', 'shes not so nice'. why is it that clear cut. so what if her character isnt rub-a-longable? in fact she does seem nice, but what has that got to do with anything.
im seeing her for a year, once a week. we talked over my current health problems, how it affects my daily living. i want more, i know that im dragging this genetic disease along with me everywhere i go, but i still want more from life. im willing to listen, shes told me i can speak if i want, or not if i dont. i have to try harder to listen. pause, ponder, reply. not nervously jabber away because i want to fill the silence. i need to change.